I hate being the one to tell you this, but last chances don’t come with warnings.

Men have sat across from me in my office and wept as they narrated what I later came to call ‘The Woman Who Got Away.’

A lot of men don’t realise when they’ve won something better than a jackpot. Their paths cross with that of a woman who is so wonderful that he has nothing to compare her to.

Something in him sparks as if he just pulled the winning combination in a game of cards: ‘You’re holding the winning duo, champ. Strike!’

This woman sees his potential and roots for him in a way no other person ever did. The two are so aligned and harmonious together that it feels unreal.

Did you know that when you’re used to struggle love peaceful love becomes disturbing? Nothing activates your self-sabotage like a sudden shift from chaos to calm.

This man hesitates. He lingers in indecisiveness.

He doesn’t realise what he’s standing in front of.

There’s indeed a kind of woman you only meet once in a lifetime, if you’re lucky. The only problem is that most men meet her when they’re not ready.

Yes, you could lose your luck because you’re not ready.

Most men told me that someone had warned them about it. His mother. His sister. His pastor. Someone who saw them together pulled him aside and said something along the lines of, ‘The gods are on your side. This is the type of woman any man dreams of having. It will break your heart if she leaves. Hurry up and do right by her. Her kind is in short supply in the world.’

Too often, though, the man was still too immature. Too wounded. Too disconnected. He had overstayed in Lo Debar, or the place of brokenness.

Many men are aware that they’re not okay, but they often overstay their brokenness.

That was the sin of Mephibosheth. He stayed too long where he had been wounded. When destiny knocked at his door in the form of a blank check from the king to honour him in the place of his deceased father, he was still wounded and referring to himself as a dead dog.

This woman, too, is a blank check. She sees you right. She hears you just right. And she’s ready for you.

But you also know that she’s a moving star. You can’t keep her waiting for too long because she’s a traveller on a journey.

She’s hoping you’re ready to take her on your wagon, and she becomes your companion forever. She offers herself to you, and she stands there.

Everything that’s wrong in your life bubbles to the surface. Accountability still feels like an attack, and humility feels like weakness.

Being vulnerable and honest makes you feel emasculated, and perfect collaboration feels like weakness.

She shows you her heart, but you show her your ego. She offers you her loyalty, but you offer lousiness.

This woman mirrors to you the growth you’ve delayed doing. You frustrate her with your unpreparedness.

Most men told me that they actually retreated to work on themselves. They realised that they were the problem because they made such a precious soul cry.

Unfortunately, by the time the man got his act together, it was too late. She was already married to a man who was ready the moment he saw her.

A man who didn’t need a tutorial to handle her precious heart. A man who recognised her as kismet. A man who knew that fate was on his side when he found favour in her sight.

This man wasn’t just lucky; he was ready.

And this is the sin with many men: they neglect their healing until they miss opportunities that could have turned their lives around.

Why have you made your bad temper an identity trait instead of working on it?

Why do you hide in alcohol and drugs to soothe your father wounds and low self-esteem if you’re aware enough to know that you have those issues?

Why do you delay getting over your insecurities from the first time you learned that you’re too insecure and controlling in relationships?

So the destiny woman was taken away by the man who was prepared for her. The one who had dealt with his life instead of hiding in casual relationships and sex addictions.

This is the lesson these men learned the hard way: good women don’t leave because they don’t love you. They leave because their hearts can not endure another round of whatever toxicity you’re subjecting them to.

You are aware of your problems because when you see her leaving, you confess everything. But you’ve made your pathology your personality, and that’s what she cannot endure.

A good woman will hold on and wait for you until one day she’s forced to see a future without you, and that will be the end.

She will see that without you, she’s free, peaceful, and unbroken. But when she’s with you, she’s unsure, on the edge, and always anticipating your next episode of instability.

Saw doesn’t leave you for another man. She walks back to herself and her peace.

The other man is simply an opportunist who chances upon the fortune you couldn’t handle.

Most of these women will tell you that they found their husband when they weren’t even looking. Her light shines so bright that seeking souls gravitate to her on their own.

In short, stop postponing your recovery and embark on your journey back to wholeness. It will be too late to work on yourself when the woman of your dreams appears in front of you and finds you still bleeding, still conflicted, still unstable.

Of course, you can always marry another woman. But women of destiny who align so well with you and believe in you as if they were born to do just that – these ones are few and far between. Do not risk losing her because of procrastination. Work on yourself now.

(©️ Benjamin Zulu Global)