When people are cheating, they often become mean to the one they’re married to.

They act rudely to make you stop expecting much from them, which allows them to spend more time with their lovers.

They don’t just avoid you. They train you to accept neglect.

They use every fight and disagreement to make you feel like you’re annoying or too demanding. That way, you start toning down your expectations.

They need you to stop asking questions, needing their attention, or even existing as a spouse.

You should become a submissive giver. Give them what they want and remain silently in the background.

Do not possess any level of self-love or self-awareness. You should be confused and silenced by making you think there’s no better life than this anywhere.

They make sure you’re always either too drained to suspect them or keep track of their prolonged absences or too exhausted to bring up the issue.

They start uncalled-for fights and say hurtful things that get you triggered and overreacting. They then disappear for hours or even days in the guise of needing peace.

They can shift to another bedroom pretending to need time to cool off when, in fact, they just want to chat with their lovers throughout.

They see you as an inconvenience that they can’t get rid of but one that must be kept out of the way.

You believe their alibis and explanations of where they went missing in action. It was a job trip, a friend’s party, they were working overtime.

If you try challenging these narratives with evidence, they snap and accuse you of stalking them.

If they sense that you’re coming close to the realization of the truth, they suddenly become nice. They throw you emotional crumbs like a dinner date or a gift, accompanied with words like, ‘You know I love you. We may go through challenges, but deep within me, you’re the one I want.’

If you’ve been praying for the return of the good times you had at the beginning, you will think you’re finally there.

But since even that first time was just lovebombing, nothing lasts.

In case you don’t accept the lovebomb, they accuse you of sabotaging the relationship. You’re the insecure one. You frustrate them when they try to love you.

You’re the enemy of progress.

This person may not be a full-blown narcissist because they only act this way with you.

At work and in their friendships, they may be a very normal person. Cheating alone can change people like that.

Did you notice that addicts of alcohol become more and more dishonest as they get deeper into the habit?

They need more time and more money to drink, and they must find ways to get these things from people.

They learn to play with people’s minds to have their way and to cheat on records to cover their tracks.

That’s selective narcissism.

Addicts of cheating often behave the same. They become more and more selfish and cunning as the habit swallows them.

Lastly, remember that the cheating partner has to present you as problematic to their lovers to justify their actions.

With time, the cheater may begin to accuse you of those things they gossip about you.

They’re trying to make you so busy defending yourself that you have no time to hold them accountable.

You can never win against these people. They’ll just exhaust you and drain you to death. It’s better to bite the bullet and walk out at once than stay in a psychological prison.

People may talk when you leave, but they’ll also talk if you die there. ‘Why didn’t he or she leave?’ Sometimes you just have to do what’s good for you.

(©️ Benjamin Zulu Global)