I never imagined I would be the kind of man who hides behind a locked office door to fight a battle with himself.
On the outside, I looked successful good job, neat suit, confident smile. But underneath, I was a prisoner of a secret addiction that was eating me alive.

It started in my early twenties. I thought it was just a phase. But years later, even as I climbed the corporate ladder, the habit grew worse.

At first, I could control it at home. Then I found myself thinking about it in the middle of meetings. I would lock my office door during lunch breaks, promising myself it was the last time. But the craving always came back.

The shame was unbearable.
I avoided dating seriously because I felt unworthy. I dreaded business trips because I knew I would spend nights trapped in the same cycle. Worst of all, I began falling behind at work losing focus, missing deadlines.

The breaking point came one afternoon. I was in my office when a colleague knocked unexpectedly. My heart almost stopped. I scrambled to compose myself, but the look in his eyes said it all he suspected something.

That night, I sat in my car long after I got home. I gripped the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white. I hated myself. I felt dirty, weak, like a man with no discipline. But I also felt helpless. I had tried self-control, fasting, gym workouts, even online therapy forums. Nothing worked.

A friend I trusted noticed how withdrawn I’d become. One evening over a drink he said quietly:

“You look like a man at war with himself. You don’t have to fight this alone. I know someone who can help, Dr. Bokko.” Read more.