The day I learnt I had impregnated someone daughter.
So my girlfriend came over one evening. We’re chilling, popcorn in hand, Netflix rolling… life was peaceful.

Then suddenly, she bolts to the toilet. A few seconds later, BAAAM! The kind of sound that makes you wonder if the toilet needs a mechanic. She comes back calm like nothing happened.

Fifteen minutes later — again! This time she says, “I’ve been feeling funny lately… nauseated, restless, small stomach pains.”

Me, trying to act calm: “Are you on cramps?”
Her: “Si janyesha.”

Brooo… my entire system crashed. I felt my lungs resign. My soul packed its bags. Netflix turned into CNN Breaking News.

She runs again, same story. At this point, my head is calculating school fees, diapers, baby showers… I’m even seeing myself being called “Baba Junior” before my time.

I gathered courage, sprinted to the pharmacy, and bought a pregnancy kit. The chemist guy even gave me that “all the best, bro” smile. I came back sweating like a thief in church.

But just as we’re about to test… boom, she rushes to the washroom again and this time she’s like, “Oh, I’ve started my period.”

My friend, I collapsed. I prayed like never before. “God, if You deliver me today, I’ll never, EVER do this again.”

But the real kicker? 🤦‍♂️
After all the drama, we later discovered it wasn’t pregnancy… it was food poisoning.

Imagine! All those prayers, all that panic, and all along the culprit was yesterday’s pilau. 🤣

Moral of the story: Sometimes it’s not a baby on the way… it’s just bad food on its way out. 😅